WOW!! All I can can say is wow! Iyanla fix my life is my new fav show, If you have not set your DVR’s, do so NOW! It’s a must see. Iyanla is doing her best work. The first show is with Evelyn Lozada, from basketball wives. I always loved Evelyn, she has always been my favorite character on the show. I didn’t like her because of how bad she acted, or how she was “about” this life. I liked her because I saw myself inside of her. Even though she was the most in your “face”, she also was the most sensitive. I saw pain, hurt, abandonment, and resentment. I knew the signs, and the look of those feelings, cause I had it. I have always been “kinda” aware of my feelings. I loved clothes, I got that from my father he loved clothes as well. He was not in my life , the way I wanted or needed. So I held on to every thing that felt like him. I became very materialistic. I held onto clothes,and things, because I could not hold onto my dad. I had trust issues, I trusted NO ONE. I wanted to be in control, so that no one could hurt me again. I only had room for one person to hurt me. My dad did that, so everyone else had no room to fuck up. If you wronged me, big, or small, you were out. No discussion, no nothing, BYE BYE. I thought It was protection from pain, but it was just prolonging the pain. Iyanla said a couple of things in this first show that stuck out, the first one was, “To find out who you truly are, it’s gonna cost you”. I broke all the way down!! I have did more soul searching, redefining, and growing, lately, than I have done my whole life. I always knew communication, and kicking people out my life was a problem, but I just wrote it off as it was apart of me, or “I’m working on it”. Truth be told I wasn’t doing shit, or at least not enough. I realized as Iyanla spoke those words, ” To find out who you truly are, it’s gonna cost you”. I knew what my “true” self cost me, my marriage. At that moment more peace came over me, than 9mths separated, and 3mths of therapy. WOW!! The other line that stuck out from the show was , “you call it anger, I call it fear”. I so get that, I didn’t want my husband to leave even after I told him to, because I could not take another man leaving my life. I was allowing the fear to keep me in a bad place, emotionally and physically. I was always mad at my husband for not being the type of provider I needed or wanted. I yelled and called it anger, but It was fear that we would fail, not just with money or bills, but as a couple. I was in fear that I made the wrong choice, so I turned that fear into anger, and acted out towards him. Instead of dealing with the truth, I dealt with all the “other” issues. It was easier than saying we are not meant to be together. These are hard things to realize, hard things to say aloud. But Damn it feels good!! It is a hard journey to dig, and feel, but once begin to find out who you are, NO ONE CAN STOP YOU!!! I am Alix, Im a servant to God, and to the universe.