A while back I talked to someone, and he had baggage. The situation was less than Ideal, and I was not going to allow myself to be hurt. After going thru a divorce I was over emotions, and over love, so I thought. So when he asked me plain and simple “What do U want from me”, I said I just want to have fun. Now anyone who knows me, knows that was a lie. Looking back I was protecting myself. I thought if I say I want it all will he run, he might hurt my feelings, he could say bitch please. I never though I had high self esteem, but I always had a standard, and being the fun bitch was never it. What I learned from this is that just cause you say it don’t make it true, people have the right to give you what you ask for, and if your not being honest with yourself how can you ever be honest with anyone else. My truth I was lonely and was willing to accept part of a man with the qualities I wanted, over all of man who was broke. Is that right NO, do I still understand it YES. I always thought men had it so easy, that yes they get hurt, but they get over it like that. I recently had a conversation with SJ, and he described a situation with a woman that he told ”I want to mess with you when I want to and when I don’t I won’t”. She got mad, but three days later agreed. Now The way I remember him was not like that at all, he was attentive, and wanted to be around me. A huge issue was that I lived to far to see him all the time. This woman lives 10 mins away. I finally asked him, “yo whats up, is it her, or why are you so different?” He explained that after too many failed attempts he discovered he liked to be single and decided relationships are not for him. I was surprised, but as he talked more I realized that he to was protecting himself. It was easier to say I like being single, instead of nothing last. He made it seem like a choice. He bragged about feeling okay with every failed attempt. This is the man who wants more kids, and has his whole life planed including plans for a family. This isn’t the guy who has been a player for years and is never gonna settle down. This guy got off the phone with me because I tempted him too much, he isn’t in a relationship he is just dating her. I then discovered that we all want love, we all want someone to just be here for us. We are all scared, we all tell lies to ourselves, we all get our heart broken, and we all do what we need to feel better. Life is too short to have regrets, We must try to see both sides and never make a decision in the heat of a moment. Love as much as you can, and laugh even harder. *A*
YoungSmart&Fabulous
A Blog for the Young Smart & Fabulous
HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SELF, SHAPES YOUR REALITY?
I’m hard on myself, I judge myself, and a lot of times talk down to myself. My grandma finally said. Hold up, you have got to change the way you think and speak to yourself. A lot of times it comes out so easily that I don’t even know I’m doing it. My self love s low. I know that before I can truly open up to anyone I’m gonna have to love me 22 pounds away, at a job I feel under paid, and as a single mom. I am always looking to the what I don’t have. What my life isn’t that a lot of times I miss the great moments in my life until I have reflection. Lately I have been having more fun. Lately I have been just doing more. I am living, trying to find my way. At the same time I have had some really low days, days where I didn’t know what was next. I continue to fight, sometimes against my will. I’m a fighter inside and out. I want the life I dreamed of but until I get that, I’m just gonna enjoy what god has given me. I have a amazing smart, funny, kind, behaved son, I have amazing family that really loves me even though they know all my faults, I have made some amazing friends and connected with people of all races and ages. God has been good to me, and with that said I’m just thankful. How do you speak to you?
BE INTOXICATING…
Jada Smith posted this on facebook,
I have never been nor will I ever be the prettiest girl in the room. This has a lot to do with my profession, but also with the fact that my grandmother raised me with the belief that therewill always be someone prettier than me and that beauty does not guarantee anyone love. Therefore, she did not focus on beauty in her house. Instead, she raised me to focus on what she considered to be the most important component in life…how well we relate to the soul of another.
The other day I met a woman, who was 80, who spoke to the most unreachable spaces of my soul through her kindness, laughter and wisdom. We related in a way that was so intoxicating, it was difficult to leave her. My experience with this woman brought my grandmother’s vision of relating full circle for me. Jada, be a joy to others and may that joy nourish them. Surround yourself with those who are a joy to you and allow that joy to nourish you. Always make the effort to find a language for the untouched spaces of every soul you meet. This is the recipe for blissful intoxication that she has passed on to me.
-J
I love this, I rarely regret a man I date or a friend I make even if things end less than ideal. I move off of connection. If I felt it, I go with it. Sometimes it’s wrong or selfish but I truly learn and grow from them all. I meet people all day and 98% of them I will not want to remember, but that 2% of people that touches my spirt are worth the others. Life is hard, life can get you down, but all we have is our connection to people. How we relate, connect, and love. So many times we look for the negative. Even if someone doesn’t have the best intentions what are we giving. I smile, laugh, joke, and try my best to be my best ALix. Yes mom I sometimes get out of hand, I’m learning to redirect the negativity it’s a slow process but a process still. The energy we give off is powerful it sends a message. It’s our job to make sure the message we give off matches the message in our heart. I feel bad for people that are fake, a lot of them don’t know what their own personal message is. I want people to know I love to laugh, I’m strong, humble, love attention, love love (give and get), believe in God, believe in self, believe in the good in people, I’m smart, and can be a slight smart ass lol. What do you want people to know?
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY….
To be a mom is amazing yet such a big role. I wanna take time to say a lil something to some of the mothers in my life…
Mommy- AKA mother AKA daddy AKA meanie AKA Shorty AKA the most powerful woman in my life. I love you with all of me. I don’t always do right, I don’t always act right, but your the most important being in my life. When I was a kid I didn’t understand the risks and sacrifices you made, but I so get you more now that i’m a mother, the stuff isn’t easy but u made it look like a cake walk. I hope you have a great mothers day we love you!! ALIX/ CJ 2 parts of the A.B.C crew lol
Monique AKA step mommy AKA twin spirt. I have learned a lot from you, you taught me about Nordy’s, I had never met a person with such swag before swag was even a “popular” word. You have influenced my life in so many ways from what I wear to what kind of sponge I use for my dishes. My love for you is never ending, I hope you have the best mother sday possible!! We love you. ALIX/CJ
Grandmother Julia, your such a diva lol!! You are so posh, and know the right way to do everything, but your so down to earth about it. I love that you love us with every part of you. that your girls and one boy are your life. It takes a lot to deal with us all, but u have figured out a way to have a relationship/bond with us all. I might have been the hardest lol (sorry). We are so alike yet so different I’m enjoying learning about you. I hope today is exactly what you pictured!!
Grandma Gayle, we don’t speak often but when we do we try to hang up like 60 times lol. Thank you for always hearing me out, understanding but still telling me the truth. I have a lot of love for you, but it comes natural we just work. I’m so glad you came into my life it for sure has made it wayyy better!! I hope today is extra special and fun for you!!
Auntee Gena: You are a big part of my life as and adult, you are my aunt but feel more like a cool big sister. I trust you with everything and love you with my all, you never judge me( even when I judge myself). I’m so grateful to have you in my Life I hope you have a fabulous mothers day.
Auntee Sybil I;m sure you won’t get on line but I love you like my 3rd gma you mean the world to me and you know it clap your hands lol. You have been there for me in ways most aunt’s don’t have to. I’m grateful for your love and hope you have a wonderful mothers day.
Jenni aka sister aka my best friend until the END!! jenni we have been thru a lot!! We get each other and know each other very well. I respect you in ways that most people will never understand. Even though you were not always sure that you wanted to be a mom you were built for this shit lol. You are a big part in my life and I hope you have a fantastic day love!!
Kieko wassssuppp lol. I love you like a sister, you keep me grounded but also hip me to the “hood”. you may not be a current resident but you still know wassupp!! lol I love the mother that you are and I hope you have a fantastic day!!
Ronika aka NIKA aka MY BITCHHHH. ok you are my best friend, sister, homey, and my bitch. I have known you since I was 10 and even though you are much more quiet than me we have been working ever since. We hung and laughed, and yes used a lot of curse words. we have had disagreements but thru it all we have remained very close. You are the friend I talk to the least, but we are just as close as my other friendships I love you more than you know. I hope today is perfect for you!!
Tira: I don’t have many “new” friends but we found each other. You always hear me but always give me your opinion you care about me sooo much and are such a honest and good hearted person. Don’t get it twisted you will cut a bitch too lol. I love that you are so strong, and won’t let anything stop you. You exude strength to me. I love you, and hope your day is bomb.com lol.
Jani aka miss prince. Sometimes I forget that we are family, no matter what we are close and for that I’m grateful. Somepeople just get a pass and your that person for me. I think your my biggest supporter with this blog and with life. I know you want me to be okay, as kids we dreamed of being “grown” and boy were we nuts lol. we may never get that loft to share but maybe when were old and gray and have out lived our 4th husbands we can be roomy’s lol I love you!! I hope your day is everything you need it to be.
to the rest of the woman in my life, I didn’t forget you, I love you the same and wish you the very best mothers day!!
I ALWAYS NEW IT WAS JOURNEY…
I have been all sorts of angry, all sorts of sad. I have been going around with the weight of the world. I am not the most patient person, what I’m trying to wrap my head around is that I don’t have to know everything right now. For me I want to know all the info, and have the control over my life. It’s hard to accept that I don’t have to know the answers, or have all the details now. If you have noticed, I have stepped back from my blog. I like to write as a way to grow thru my life, and when I feel stuck, I have no chance to grow or discuss a lesson. What I’m not realizing is that sometimes the lesson is to just be,and take it one day at a time. I’m not perfect , this I know. I want the power to turn my imperfections into a perfect me. I guess the first step of that is acceptance!!! I have so much more to learn and I am sure it will not be easy, I feel like my future is behind the brick wall, I’m not sure if it 1inch thick or 12inches thick, but something inside me won’t allow me to stop hacking away at it.
LOVING MY NEW FENDI LUCITE JEWELRY BOX…
I am a jewelry lover, and I’m always looking for a better way to display my jewelry. I found this and could not wait to show you my new way to organize my life lol
the outside of the box
the inside of the box…
my vintage Fendi trays…
How do you organize your life!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LIL SISTER…
Birthdays are BIG, but 16 is HUGE!! I have loved you like my own. I see a lot of me in you, some good some bad. I hope that you have a good birthday. I love you, and I’m always here for you.
IMAGE ISN’T SHIT…
I was talking to a friend and he thought I was very shallow and dumb as shit when It came to money. I allowed him to speak, I allowed him to question me, and I even felt the need to respond. He clearly has not read about my life lessons and all the growth I have had. He does take time to look at pictures where I have on designer dud’s and hears me bitching about what my ex doesn’t do. My bad for loving Cosabella undies, 500 thread count sheets and designer everything. My blog started as a fashion blog of course I talk and show fashion. I also give to three different charities, pay all my bills, save for my son and myself, and have a 0 balance on all my cards. I think because I wear Chloe, Gucci, Dior, and Fendi it means I have fucked up priorities. I don’t cook at all but if I decide to I have Calphalon pot’s and Le Creuset bakeware. I like nice stuff, but I would never put it before my son or my responsibilities. I have worked retail for 10 years nothing I own that I purchased is full price. I started writing this feeling super guilty, and super hard on myself. Truth is I like myself, I don’t have and issue with the way I shop. There are times like in march I didn’t buy myself one thing, and paid off a bill. I have 0 debt (except for my car) at 28 and I just went thru a divorce. Any person that even wants my friendship should get to know me before judging me. They will find out I have friends of all backgrounds and are just as comfy in sweats as I am in Gucci. I have a great group of friends who after me telling them what this friend said told me to tell him to FUCK OFF. Everyone of my friends said that I have come a long way and I’m finding my way perfectly with out him. I always find ways for me to grow and do better, and the way he feels about me I have felt for many. The questions he ask, I have asked. I have never been told by any man I need to get my shit together. Not only do men not say that, they support my shopping, and buy shit I want. What this man gives me is motivation, and self love at the same damn time. He allows me to see myself, and also know what I give off to others. I lead with my labels. He is coming from a good place and truly doesn’t get why I need or want these things. For some they like to travel, some like to drive a nice car, some like to shop. Me I spend my money in my closet, eating out, and on medical Insurance. I wanna look nice, be full, and If I happen to get sick I want the best doctor on Wilshire to take care of me. Hey thats just me, if you don’t like it leave it. Whats your thing?
SORRY MOMMY…
We only know the life we have. I was at the store and my card got declined. I stepped out of line to call the bank and the person behind me went ahead and paid my bill. I was shocked, and felt bad. The person actually works in the mall and I see her all the time. We were talking at lunch the other day and she spoke about not being able to afford to go away to school, and how much she dreamed of it. I was so sad for her because I could see her sadness. I later thought, damn I was able to go away to school, not work and live stress free. Mommy I just want to say thank you, for believing in my far out dreams and even though I’m not there yet, I’m so thankful for you. If you read this blog, or know me personally you know my mom is my heart, but to be honest I take her for granted most times. I have had so much, I still get easter baskets, birthday gifts, christmas stockings, and valentines gifts, stuff my teenage siblings don’t get from their parents. I have always only asked for more, figured out another thing I needed or wanted. Today I say thank you but no thanks. Mommy you have done enough, I don’t want another birthday gift, easter basket, valentines gift, mothers day or any other gift. Your DONE. Now I’m not saying if me and cj are homeless look the other way, I’m saying I love you and I want to try to do it alone. I can never repay you for all you done, but I can at least stop adding to the list. Again thank you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 KIEKO*
We don’t always see eye to eye but we are honest enough to say it! I hope you enjoy 29 as it’s our last year before we turn 30. Your a great mom and wife, I hope you learn to sprinkle a little more time for u in the mix. I have known you since I was 10, you have not changed the core of you. I love that we can still laugh till we cry. I love that you are living your dream and doing most of what you want. I think you have one of the most interesting life stories and one day hope you share it. I love you like my sister. We may fight, but after 19 years of friendship I guess I’m stuck with u lol. I hope you, rock door knockers, get a tat, eat chips with hot sauce, buy a mcm bag, get some jordan’s, stay out all night, lol just have a ghetto ball lol. I love you bishhhh Happy Birthday!!!!
