I WANNA BE READY….

I always list my wants from a man, but the question is can I handle it. I have never had a man take care of me starting from my daddy. I don’t really know what it looks like. Recently I have had this guy who I really like, go out of his way to do all the things that put a smile on my face. I question it all, I just have never had someone look out for me. I’m waiting on the floor to fall from under me. Because we have great communication I told him. I voiced my concerns and explained that I can’t take someone “faking” or doing the most to get me. He said “It’s really unfortunate that you haven’t had a real man who knows how or at least try to take care of you. So it’s only natural for you feel like that” at first I was like who are u talking to? Then I realized I have not. My father never showed me what to expect. Even if this man is full of shit, he made me think. He took things to a whole new level. How do I fix or learn something I have never had. I want a man that is responsible, loving, kind, and who wants to lead. I just have to be open to him. For me I no longer have room to blame others, I’m just looking to to fix the issue!! I want a old school relationship, I just have to learn that mentality… Each day I work on being the Alix I dream about!! Not there, but I’m closer than I was a year ago. Are you ready for your dreams? *Aliix*

JUST US….

Photo on 2012-03-04 at 08.00 #4

 

GG, CARTER, ALIX!! JUST THE 3 OF US……

Thats all….

BEAUTY BAG WEDNESDAY LOL

I have been all about the lip for a while, reds, pinks, orange, and nudes. Then Mac did a matt black and I wanted it so bad I paid double. It actually sold out and I found it on ebay… My hunt was still on for a hunter green and blue-black well as of today I found all three. Not sure how they are gonna look, but I’m so excited. What lip colors are you into now…

 

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MUST HAVE….CAPRI BLUE CANDLES

I just found my place in vegas, and I’m so excited to finally be in a space thats all me and looks the way I want it to. I have been looking for room sprays and candles all over. My fav Jo Malone makes room sprays but none in the scent I love,  Diptyque has one but I was not sure on the smell. Last night while searching for a scent I love, I found out  my fav candle of all candles makes a room spray!! I have been buying this candle since I was 18 at anthropology Its called Volcano by Capri Blue. Usually its sold in a big blue jar but now they make it in while and metal. The large candle is $30 and burns for over 85 hours, usually one in each room is good for about 3mths. The room spray smells exactly the same and cost about $20 bucks for 4oz’s. You can find Capri Blue HERE. What your fav smell for your home?

 

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LOW SELF ESTEM IS A MOTHA…..

Today I say sorry to myself for acting like a total bitch, for not caring enough about myself to correctly care about others.

Mommy, I know in my head whats right and whats wrong.I was not able to do it. I’m sorry if I hurt or made you feel less than the center of my heart. Your my everything(with carter). I have to live with the fact that I changed our relationship. I’m sorry!! I love you, and I hope you one day will get it.

2 the woman that I hurt with out knowing them. I’m sorry. Your right I didn’t give a fuck about you, because I didn’t give a fuck about myself. The very thing that seems most selfish is really the exact opposite.  I settled everyday, I took less than I deserved everyday. I fell in love with men who can never properly love me. I allowed them to use me just so I can feel something. After being numb for so long anything is better than that (so u think). Lucky for me neither of you had to know. But I wanna apologize anyway. My karma is coming lol trust me.

So many times we point fingers about the “other woman” “bitch onthe side” but most of the time  she is so fucked up we need to pray for her… I am still a work in progress so please pray for me. *ALIX*

SIKE….

I have been so lost with out this blog. I never in a million years thought that it would be so hard to move to a new city alone. I know that sentence alone is scary. I just never pictured it. This new level alone. What it has done, is made way for me to deal with me. For me to see, yes boo your filled with drama. Yes boo your not ready to date, both men you fell for  are unavailable one is married, and the other had a baby you knew about and never went anywhere. See when all you got is you, you can’t hide, you cant run. I think the biggest lesson is not to run. See I hated vegas,  sorry I hate vegas. I even got offered a job back in LA, but if I don’t get this now I will never get it and may run all my life. What I wanted to move to vegas for was to get my credit right, save money and start to build my future. I have found a million reasons to not do that. Today I guess I put it all out there, I admit that I have allowed the feeling of being lonely,  to close me in. Its crazy because when your in your feelings about something thats the thing you do more. Like if you feel fat why do you binge, if you feel down about a man why do you fuck the nearest one. I was feeling alone, yet I also was staying in not getting out there. Today all the BS stops!! I am not going to run, I’m gonna focus and do what I need to do for me. Maybe my son being with people who know who they are is exactly where he needs to be. I on the other hand need to stop making excuses and do what I need to do for me. Turning 29 made all this more real. Damn I missed this blog…..*ALIX*

ITS BITTER SWEET….

I started this blog in one of the hardest times of my life. I have shared my depression, my weight issues, my men and daddy issues, my trust issue’s lol just all my ISSUES!! I have gained so much clarity on my life. This blog has been the only consistent thing in my life for almost 2 years. I turn 29 today and I just feel like its time to spread my wings beyond my blog. I have met some great people, I have been able to work thru some huge things. This blog was life changing for me. I was able to look inside and really learn who the fuck I am. Today I can say truthfully I know who I am, I know what I am able to do. Today I start to apply all the things I have learned and be able to grow even further. Today I say thank you for allowing me to be me. Today I say bye. Life is short, I wish that all of you live your best life unapologetically!!  *ALIX*

P.S keep shining!!!

IM LATE….

Not in that way lol. Barney’s has an online website for their outlet. I was visiting one of my fav blogs and it was on the header. I love Barney’s and was too excited about this. The big catch is no returns. For me that is a deal breaker, esp with shoes. If you know your sizes go HERE. Let me know what you get *ALIX*

 

P.S. Neiman’s has  a outlet website too, just wasn’t as impressed but if you a Neiman’s girl go HERE

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2WEEKS AND A DAY…

It’s that time again….. My birthday, I will be 29.  As you get older the gifts become less and less and I guess it’s because you have more to give yourself. But just for the fuck of it here is my wish list…. Its all J.Crew with a pair of sneakers.

 

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Don’t be shy lol….. *ALIX*

WHAT ARE WE DOING…

So I was on my fav website INSTAGRAM and found this picture…

 

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I laughed literally out loud. I posted it, and was not surprised by the likes it got. I was guilty of this. No I never fixed my ex a sandwich like this. I just stopped cooking all together. I have also dated a guy that had someone and I would do whatever he asked. Now in my head, it was because he was my dream guy. Why wasn’t the man I said I do to, my dream guy I have no clue.  In the end the question is, do we do more when we are trying to win the guy, versus when we already have the guy? I even got this guy to comment, he says he is single but lies about being in a two year relationship so girls will step their game up. I could not believe it. For me the lesson is learned. Show your appreciation for what you have.  What do you get from this illustration……*ALIX*

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